FATHER FRANK’S RANTS - Journey to Heaven

Rant Number 509         11 October 2012

Neurosurgeon Dr Eben Alexander has tripped to Heaven and back. A near-death experience, during a seven day coma. Brought on by lethal E-coli bacteria which made his brain cortex inoperative. That switched his consciousness off. All that under close medical observation in a clinic. Still, he claims that, while theoretically brain-dead, his mind underwent the most amazing out of the body journeys to a dazzling world beyond the grave.

The priest believes in Heaven, both de officio and ex animo, hence the news grabs him. Heaven is real, make no mistake about it, because God is real. From God you come and to God you shall return. Nonetheless Dr Alexander’s account of his celestial trips puzzles me a bit. Probably the old, buried analytical philosopher in me. No need to sneer, as cussed unbelievers do. Just a pinch of healthy, theistic scepticism - not about Heaven but about this one story.

At the journey’s beginning the Doc found himself in a place full of big clouds. ‘Puffy, pink-white’. Well, why not? Clouds are what you see from your aircraft seat, no? Still, my heart sank a little when I read that. Predictability is not what Heaven should be about...

Then above the clouds the tripper perceived multitudinous shapes of ‘transparent, shimmering’ beings’ ranged across the sky, sailing along, leaving a sort of trail behind them. There was also a booming, joyful chant...Readers of Dante’s immortal Paradiso may perhaps feel a sense of déjà vu but again, why not? What do the souls of the Blessed do in the heavenly mansions? Singing sounds an activity as good as any. (In the paradise of Islam they engage in something else but this is a Christian’s trip, suitable demure.) Of course, I cannot sing, but post-mortem life will see to that, insh’allah.

It gets more interesting when Dr Alexander confesses that he was not alone most of the time. A woman was beside him, riding on a butterfly’s wing. Young, high cheekbones and deep-blue eyes, with golden tresses.

Excellent! Being a lone traveller is never as much fun as having a companion, eh? Doc was fortunate in finding someone. Female, young, golden hair, sculptured features...wallahi! Verily, it was heavenly. Only...what if he had discovered instead by his side a small, aging, grey-haired lassie?  Do heavenly guides have to be beautiful frauleins after Aryan, Third Reich standards? As an unashamed lookist myself, quite partial to tall, slim blondes, I still feel that a divine abode should be perhaps be less aesthetically biased.

Doc was jolly lucky, however, in having a female by his side. What if it had been...a man!?! Not as delightful. Gays would wish no less, I suppose...Oh, I forgot! Naturally, gays will not be in Heaven but...somewhere else. Dura lex sed lex.

The female also spoke to Doc. She told him three pretty reassuring things: a) he was loved; b) he should not be afraid; c) he could do nothing wrong. Very heart-warming stuff. Heaven should be unthreatening to the righteous. As to love, impossible to go wrong. ‘All you need is love’, the Beatles sang. So this Paradise confirms the Fab Four’s insight. True, hatred too turns many on, but not in Paradise, no.

Alas, the woman also informed Dr Alexander that he would have to go back eventually. Real bad news. Meanwhile, he posed questions: ‘Where is this place? Who am I? Why am I here?’ He got answers OK but ‘in a way that bypassed language’. Too bad.

I have got questions, too. First, Doc must be a really good chap. Because his near-death experience was so positive. What if he had been a bad lot? What kind of world would he then have visited? But then putative near-death reports hardly ever mention the place down below. Either good guys hugely predominate or Paradise is all there is beyond the grave. Hell is absent. Sounds good? Quite apart from the teaching of Scripture, what about Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Tony Blair and Jack the Ripper? Are they prancing happily among pink clouds too? Alongside Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Dr Schweitzer? Not right. Maybe Doctor Alexander should have inquired.

Second, methinks the Doc much erred in not getting a peep into the nether regions and their folks: furious hells may sometimes be more interesting than certain types of bland heavens.

Third, philosopher Emmanuel Kant once read a curious book by Swedenborg, another heavenly tripper. Swedenborg’s narratives of his own rambles into the Afterlife are immensely long, detailed and, frankly, very tedious. Mere duplications of this world. In Swedenborg’s Heaven and Hell souls buy and sell, go to church, listen to sermons, frequent brothels and pubs. They are not near-death experiences, so they lack that dramatic edge but they come down to the same thing. Kant raised the question: how could extraordinary knowledge of that kind be possible? The result was the majestic Critique of Pure Reason in which the wild pretensions of metaphysics to a special kind of cognition beyond sense-perception and the intellect are punctured and deflated almost for good. That implicitly disposed of Swedenborg’s prolix fantasies. I fear it also makes nonsense of our Doc’s optimistic visions.

Unlike Dr Alexander, I know nothing of neurosurgery, the brain cortex and so on. Whether his assertions to have been in deep coma, his brain functions off, are plausible or correct it is for medical scientists to pronounce on. I can pass judgment on his story’s contents, though. They are mere pap. Doubtless the simple-minded will lap them up, even find them comforting, but deep and true? Nah!

That life does not end at death is of course absolutely certain because Holy Scripture teaches so. Heaven and Hell, reward and punishment, are part of the Hereafter. The righteous look with confidence on the Last Day, the prelude to entry into Eternity because they have the consolation of the Holy Spirit. That awareness suffices for genuine believers. St Paul, the Apostle of Christ, quotes the Prophet Isaiah when he says: ‘What no eyes has seen nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him.’

Revd Frank Julian Gelli